crack fic is crack part ii!

[shikalion]

Title: ~AWESOME ADVENTURE TIEMS~ Part 2
Authors: magickthedoll  (God), shikalion  (Adventurer), with cameo appearance by cienaeche  (Adventurer)
Status: Ongoing. Until the game ends. Or God runs out of ideas.
Fandoms: Arashi, Super Junior, SHINee (as of yet.). Does Katy Perry have a fandom?
Genre: Crackery
Disclaimer: Yes, I own them. They're in my closet. It's awesome. // Characterization is for the sane! Since magickthedoll  doesn't know lick about Arashi, I linked her to the ARASHIdex. She ran with it.
Summary: You are on a deserted island. You can see a shack to the west, a path to the north, and the jungle to the northeast. A shovel is at your feet. A crate is back at shore. There is a rowboat, but no oars.
A/N: Based off interactive fiction games. If you know what they are, awesome. If you don't, check this out for an idea. The setting turned out to be a Lost/CandyLand type of game, based off Katy Perry's California Gurls MV. This isn't meant to be seriously taken as a fic. Or even a crack fic. Just crack. Entirely done in Google Docs :D

Part 1 | Part 2

You mention Aiba and Sho points to the shore, but does not otherwise look up. He is still digging after you leave him. As you flail across the sand, you see a hunched figure below. Suddenly he stands up and out of nowhere bursts out a rainbow. Maybe you shouldn’t have drank that milkshake. You think you see dozens of woodland creatures burst out of his pockets. Also, “The Sound of Music” starts playing out of nowhere.

~THE HIIIIIILLS ARE ALIIIIIIVE....

You can hear scattered conversation coming from the camp:
“Why is the Japanese boy digging a hole?”
“HOLES. I HATE HOLES.”
“Who’s the angry English kid with the scar?”
“Oh, he’s debuting soon. Apparently, the agency hired him on the basis of how shiny his wand is.”
“HE HAS A SHINY WAND TOO? LET ME SHOW YOU MY SHINY WAN-”
“NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR SHINY WAND. ZIP YOUR PANTS BACK UP.”

~WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUUUUUUSIC....

>>ask if aiba has found/made anything to get off this high

You ask Aiba if he knows anything to get you off your high in a mix of Japanese and English. He nods vigorously and gestures something that looks like two locusts mating on a bar of soap. Then he rummages in a pocket and a chipmunk comes out. It hands you its nuts. Interpret as you will. He then gestures for you to do something with it. You’re not entirely sure if you’re supposed to eat it, because now it looks like three locusts mating over the corpse of Hitler.

You really shouldn’t have drank that milkshake.
>>take the......whatever it is and place it in my pocket. go back to SAKURAI SHO

You take the nuts and wave goodbye to Aiba for now. He appears to be flipping you off cheerfully. You wonder if he knows what it means. You go back to Sho, who is still digging the hole. You realize that he is trying to build a long term shelter. However, you also realize he has forgotten to make a way out. And also that he tires quickly. He yells for you to help.
>>helps dig. ask where’s Matsujun

You jump in the deep hole and decide to help out, even though you don’t have a shovel. You realize then, through his gestures (which are far more accurate than Aiba’s, even when you’re high THANK GOD), that he wanted help to get out of the hole. Now you’re both trapped. You hope that someone from camp will be able to find you. Sho begins digging horizontally.
>>calls for CHRISTINE and SELENA to get help

You call for Christine and Selena for help, but they either do not hear you or are distracted by all the pretty boys. Darn.
>>how deep is the hole?

You survey the hole. It appears to be three meters deep. However, just because I feel like being an ass, the floor suddenly gives and now it’s ten. You begin calculating how long it would take an object to fall from the top to the bottom at an angle of 20 degrees. Its initial force x is 3 m/s. Perhaps if you figured it out, you can somehow get out.
>>inventory

In one hand you are holding a shovel. In your pockets, you have 53 cents, 2 euros, a half-eaten jawbreaker, gloves, your sister’s keys, tickets to that thing you love, cotton candy berries, an empty milkshake glass, and nuts. You are wearing what appears to be a replica of the Alice In Wonderland costume of Alice, with the addition of your Prado glasses.
HINT: You can examine your inventory items closer.
>>examine inventory items?

Please specify an item.
>>Alice in Wonderland costume

The dress is a lovely little powder blue number that can be dressed up, dressed down, sluttified, etc. It has two pockets in which you hold much of your things. At the bottom is a bunch of lacy frilly things, and it makes you feel very pretty. There appears to be some black smudges at the hem.
>>tell sho to think of something

Sho points to the black smudge on your dress.
>>EXAMINE BLACK SMUDGE

You look closer at the smudge on the hem of your dress. You can barely make it out. It says:

NO PDAS

>>..call OHNO and NINO!?

With Sho’s help you manage to call over Ohno and Nino. Whatever PDA they were participating in, it stopped. Did half a ladder just appear? You wonder if this island makes any sense at all. The other three seem to be perfectly accepting of the island’s logic. Perhaps Japan is even weirder than this. Nino throws something down. It appears to be a PDA. Does anyone still use these? You wonder if PDAS also refers to circuits. Your brain is seriously starting to hurt.
>>EXAMINE PDA

You examine the PDA. Suddenly Snoop Doggy Dog’s face comes on to the screen.
“Greetings loved ones. Let’s take a journey.”
~THE HILLS FILL MY HEART--I KNOW A PLACE.....
~WHERE THE GRASS IS REALLY GREENER...

Oh. Dear. Lord.

The entire sky lights up in a disgusting shade of pink. You hear a shout from what sounds like Hangeng. “I KNEW this island reminded me of something!” You’re not sure if you want to try to get out with the half-ladder anymore or just crawl in a corner and sob.
>>crawl in a corner and sob

You crawl in a corner and sob. You feel slightly better.
~WARM... WET AND WILD...
You crawl back and sob some more. Sho comforts you and hands you Kleenex. There is a black smudge on the Kleenex after you use it. You’re vaguely scared for your life that something like that came out of your nose.
>>examine black smudge on kleenex. reluctantly.

You examine the black smudge on the kleenex, reluctantly.
~THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE WATER...
In tiny font, you see the phrase FOLLOW YOUR HEART in Papyrus font. You wonder why you just sneezed words, in a bad font no less.
>>cries in corner

You cry in the corner some more. This day really isn’t going your way. The good news is, Sho is still comforting you the best he can. This is because it is his dominant and apparently only personality trait.
~SIPPIN’ GIN & JUICE...
>>ask Sho if the words mean anything, hint-wise. or directionally...or examine ladder.

You show Sho the words on the Kleenex. He first backs away at your black snot, but eventually gets the idea that it’s not black snot. Thankfully, he understands the words and exclaims loudly in japanese while pointing at his shovel. He raises the shovel in the air and a blinding light comes forth.
{CUTSCENE} Sho begins to float in the air while holding the shovel above him. All you can see is his silhouette. He begins shedding his clothes and his hair begins to grow. New clothes appear out of nowhere to hug his curves. He draws the shovel down into an arc and it transforms into a majestic keyblade. His hair then ties itself into two neat buns. A swath of gossamer fabric swirls around him, gracing his middle like a bedazzled tutu. A blinding flash and then-- is it...?

SAILOR SHO! {END CUTSCENE}

He extends a hand toward you.
>>grasp hand

You grasp Sailor Sho’s hand and you both glide up with ease. You’re hovering a couple meters above the camp in a matter of seconds. In the light of the sickeningly pink glow, you see more of the island. A pastel path seems to have appeared right by the camp and it wasn’t there before. It looked like it was made of squares of a board game.
~CALIFORNIA GIRLS, WE’RE UNFORGETTABLE...
Many of the boys seem to be crowding around a new blue haired girl with cupcakes on her boobs. You wonder if they are more interested in her or the cupcakes. Sho sets you gently down next to Ohno and Nino. With no need to stop the PDAS any longer, they resume clinging to each other. Sailor Sho departs to save a kitten from a tree. He reminds himself to scold Aiba for letting the woodland creatures to run freely out of his pocket like that.
>>find pikachu

You decide to find Pikachu. You find it standing on the path on what appears to be the first square. You hear the turning of gears and buzzes and beeps.

“THE GAME HAS BEGUUUUUN,” a voice booms. At least the song stopped.

Two comically oversized dice fall out of the sky and nearly squish you. However, you realize that they are made of marshmallows. Everyone decides to come to where you are standing too, because when things fall out of the sky, that’s what people do.
>>examine dice

You examine the dice. They are made out of marshmallows for maximum bounce. A couple of boys from Suju attempt to eat it. You wonder if managers in Korea ever feed them. They look like regular dice except for the fact that they’re 50 times bigger and edible. You can easily throw both at the same time.
>>THROW DICE

You pick up the two dice and throw them. It rolls a 7. Suddenly you feel the ground underneath you lift up and WOOSH forward. The blue haired bitch seemed to have fallen off. You feel vaguely better. Almost as soon as the ground lifted up, it fell back down. Words appear underneath you.

“DOMO STAMPEDE. LOSE 2 PEOPLE.”

You hear a faint rumble.
>>look towards sho for help

Sho returns with the blue haired bitch. Dammit, he saved her. You look toward him for help. He reads the words on the ground and lines of worry appear on his brow. He’s Japanese. He knows how dangerous wild Domos are. He shrugs and says something that you understand to be, “We’re all fucked.”

The rumbling gets louder. The floor vibrates.
>>EXAMINE NUTS

You examine the nuts. They have a black smudge on them.
>>examine black smudge

You examine the black smudge. It says only one thing: DUCK

The rumbling gets intolerably loud.
>>find safety and duck. if i can, i’d like to bring the arashi members with me. *biased*

You shield yourself with disposable members of Suju (there’s just so damn many of them) who have no idea what’s going on. You manage to convince them that they’re getting a foot massage. The other Arashi members follow your lead and you all duck. The domo stampede breaks through the jungle and you realize that because they’re on the floor ducking does absolutely nothing. However, a duck suddenly flies out of Aiba’s pocket and into the stampede.

Slowly the rumbling stops, though not without casualties. From the screams of terror you heard, you try to figure out who’s gone, though you are sure they were from Suju. No one knows which ones, because at some point, all Koreans start looking the same. In fact, you’re not sure anymore if they were from Suju or Shinee. Exactly two people got carried away, just like the square said.

Meanwhile, after the dust clears, you see the duck directing traffic. The domos are now passing peacefully. The dice fly into your hand once again.
>>ask where Matsumoto Jun has been all this time

You ask Jun where he’s been. Your Japanese has become awfully good over the course of the day. How convenient. He says that he was busy shooting dramas in order to convert people to their fandom. The directors were waiting back at the shore. This is his lunch break.
>>ask whether we should roll the dice again

You ask everyone whether you should roll the dice again. Christine and Selena are in the middle, since while they know that they are safe from being annihilated due to the god’s bias, they don’t want their bias to start dying one by one. Christine mutters that this always happens to her fandoms right as she joins them. Members of Suju and Shinee are now in the corner sobbing quietly. This is worse than netizens for them. Almost.

Arashi seems pretty gung-ho about it. You know Japanese people and their dice rolling. You can’t separate them.
>>JANKEN (rock-paper-scissors) TO SEE WHO ROLLS THE DICE

The members of Arashi do a quick game of Janken to decide who rolls the dice. Nino wins using his ultra secret weapon, the Spock. Jun mutters something about a cheat code. Nino shoves him aside to get the dice. He’s Japanese. You don’t separate him and his dice rolling.

He tosses them in the air. It makes a rainbow. You’ve already accepted the physics of this island. When it lands, the total comes to two. Snake eyes.

Once again, the ground does the shifty thing. Hangeng feels vaguely motion sick. Must be the milkshakes. After the ground settles, you read the words on the ground.

TOP THREE GROUPS IN AN ALL OUT SONG-DANCE-AWESOME BATTLE MOVE ON.

LAST GROUP SACRIFICES THREE MEMBERS TO THE PIT.

Snoop Doggy Dog appears on a throne that raises out of the ground. He must be the judge.

You find yourself paired with Christine and Selena. You would think you would have girl power on your side, but looking at the other groups, you’re not so sure anymore. You think that someone needs to decide what to perform. The other groups have an edge in that they’ve had years of training. You wanted to do a talent show once, but it failed because your friends suck.
>>